xlovebecomesher: (Snoopy Novel)
[personal profile] xlovebecomesher
“I can’t do this anymore.”

He turned around from where he was standing and looked down into her worried eyes.  She had seemed out of sorts all day and he couldn’t figure out why considering he had an exciting night planned for them that night. “What can’t you do anymore?”

She stood up, meeting him face to face. “This. You and me. This just having sex thing that we having going on. Whatever you want to call it. I can’t do this anymore, sleeping with you and pretending it means nothing to me.” She paused, fighting back tears – she swore she wouldn’t cry in front of him. There would be plenty of time to cry after she left, and was alone again as usual. “Because it does mean something to me.” You mean something to me, she thought to herself, but the words remained unspoken.  “If I continued this anymore, I’m going to hate myself, and eventually I’d end up hating you. I can’t…”

He wanted to touch her, just pull her closely to him and wipe away the single tear he could see making their way down her cheek. He wanted to see her smile again. Didn’t she understand that she was his world? Yes, it had started out as just sex but it quickly turned into something beautiful.  This wasn’t just sex to him, but how could he tell her when she was so determined to end this? “Have you thought this through?” he asked inanely, wishing like hell he knew what to say to make her stay and stop his own pain.

She bit her lip. She didn’t want to leave him. If she could, she’d stay here forever, marry him, have his children, love him with all her heart but he didn’t want that. He told her that enough times as it was. This was about sex, not love, he reminded her often.  He wasn’t capable of love, wasn’t capable of relationships, and she thought she could handle being in such a relationship. She couldn’t. “Yes, I thought this through. I can’t keep pretending anymore … pretending that this is just sex, not when I’m in love with you. If I stayed, I’d be on my knees waiting for whatever scrap you threw at me. At least this way I’ll have my pride, my dignity.” She turned and made her way to the door, praying that the tears wouldn’t start falling till the door closed behind her.

“Will your pride keep you warm at night?” he called out, anything to prevent her from leaving.

She glanced back at him, watching him lean against the wall so stoically, with his hands in his pocket. “It’s going to have to,” she murmured as she opened the door and walked out, shutting the door softly behind her.

He stood there without moving or making a sound till he heard the sounds of her car driving away. He sank down to the floor, still gripping the small black velvet box he had in his pocket. “It wasn’t just sex…” he whispered.

Date: 2014-09-24 10:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] night-owl-9.livejournal.com
I can’t do this anymore, sleeping with you and pretending it means nothing to me. - Oh, I wouldn't have the heart to do just that.

Ohhhh that ending!!! Mah heart. It breaks.

Wonderful story. Very moving.

Date: 2014-09-29 10:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xlovebecomesher.livejournal.com
I did that for a long time in the beginning of Jon's and I's relationship. It's heartbreaking.

Date: 2014-09-25 01:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ragnarok-08.livejournal.com
This is such a great story ♥

Date: 2014-09-29 10:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xlovebecomesher.livejournal.com
Thank you :)

Date: 2014-09-26 11:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eternal-ot.livejournal.com
Ouch! That Hurt...Beautiful and emotional...<3 well written indeed!

Date: 2014-09-29 10:46 pm (UTC)

Date: 2014-09-26 12:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rayaso.livejournal.com
I really enjoyed this story, and the fact that two people in love couldn't get together because of the inability of one of them to let the other knows how he feels. Very sad, especially because he already knows his feelings are reciprocated.

Date: 2014-09-29 10:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xlovebecomesher.livejournal.com
I'm glad you enjoyed :)

Date: 2014-09-26 01:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theun4givables.livejournal.com
If only he had spoken up sooner -- man, do I know that feeling all too well.

Date: 2014-09-29 10:47 pm (UTC)

Date: 2014-09-26 10:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wildrose.livejournal.com
Oh, how bitter-sweet! I just want to shout to both of them, TALK TO EACH OTHER PROPERLY, DAMMIT :(

Date: 2014-09-29 04:17 am (UTC)

Date: 2014-09-27 09:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tatdatcm.livejournal.com
Ughh! The lack of communication. Relationships are hard enough. I hope he is brave enough to go after her.

This was very well done.

Date: 2014-09-29 10:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xlovebecomesher.livejournal.com
I would like to think he's going to be brave enough - once he gets over being a jerk!

Date: 2014-09-28 01:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] roina-arwen.livejournal.com
It's sad that neither could say what they actually wanted to.

Date: 2014-09-29 10:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xlovebecomesher.livejournal.com
It's rough :(

Date: 2014-09-28 07:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jem0000000.livejournal.com
He should have said that several minutes ago... the poor couple.

Date: 2014-09-29 10:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xlovebecomesher.livejournal.com
Shoulda coulda woulda :(

Date: 2014-09-30 05:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jem0000000.livejournal.com
Yep. *hugs* Poor them.

Date: 2014-09-28 05:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ryl.livejournal.com
“It wasn’t just sex…” he whispered.

Say that before the door closes, you dolt!

Date: 2014-09-29 09:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kajel.livejournal.com
This! So much this! lol

Date: 2014-09-29 10:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xlovebecomesher.livejournal.com
He's going to regret that :/

Date: 2014-09-29 01:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tonithegreat.livejournal.com
Ouch. Communication. It's a beautiful thing.

Date: 2014-09-29 10:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xlovebecomesher.livejournal.com
It would be a useful skill for them to both have right now!

Date: 2014-09-29 01:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] penpusher.livejournal.com
That's a kick in the gut!

But so tightly wound, concise and yet fully formed emotionally. Very well done.

Date: 2014-09-29 10:49 pm (UTC)

Date: 2014-09-29 05:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alycewilson.livejournal.com
If only someone had said those three little words, all this pain could have turned into joy.

Date: 2014-09-29 10:47 pm (UTC)

Date: 2014-09-29 06:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] halfshellvenus.livejournal.com
Given that he still let her think he didn't return her feelings, and let her walk out that door... I think it was all for the best, as far as the woman here was concerned.

The man might think he loves her anough, but he let her think it was all a casual game, right up through the end. He doesn't deserve her.

Date: 2014-09-29 10:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xlovebecomesher.livejournal.com
He doesn't but he'd like to think he does once he stops being a jerk and get his head out of his ass to go after her!

Date: 2014-09-29 09:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kajel.livejournal.com
Now that is heartbreaking.

Date: 2014-09-29 10:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] karmasoup.livejournal.com
What a tragic ending. I don't understand why they couldn't just communicate, and get through it. I know how... they were both so busy being certain they knew what the other one was thinking. Always a mistake.

Date: 2014-09-29 10:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xlovebecomesher.livejournal.com
That is the how and the why - they're both very stubborn people.

Date: 2014-09-29 11:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] talon.livejournal.com
Oof. What a punch in the feels.

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